By Dennis Abrams

Time reports that two Belgian university professors decided to take the ten most borrowed books at the Antwerp Library in for bacteriology and toxicology testing to see what they might find. And what they actually discovered might surprise you.

Small traces of cocaine were found on all ten books; traces low enough that readers couldn’t feel the effect, but at the same time, high enough that to raise the possibility that they could text positive for cocaine.

But more interestingly (and somewhat alarmingly), in what can only be described a case of life imitating art, traces of the herpes virus were found on the pages of the best-selling erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey.

The professors, in order to help prevent possible public panic, assured readers that the concentrations of the virus (herpes simplex virus type 1, the strain of herpes responsible for cold sores or fever blisters) were so small that the virus could not be contracted simply by touching the book.

Please fill in your own jokes about the dangers of so-called “dirty books.”